I went to pee at the urinal at work the other day. I was all set to begin evacuating (that means I had my junk outside my pants and in the open air) when I noticed that there was a nasty looking pee left in there from the asshole who went before me and decided he didn’t need to flush. Normally, I would have seen an unflushed john and taken action way ahead of time. I guess I was just in hurry and not paying attention.

Rather than start over at step one, I tried the move I’ve seen countless old men pull throughout my life. The ol’ flush-n’-pee. I mean old guys, they’ll just take it out, start peein’, flush, and then lean forward in relaxation with both arms resting on top of the flushing mechanism. Ultimate urinal mastery.

What happens when I try this? Nothing less than a piss-laden urinal tsunami. I have never, in my life, seen a urinal flush that hard. You’d think I would be familiar with how my workplace urinal flushes. No. No. When I flush, I am long gone to the sink, washing my hands, by the time the flushing starts. I was sprayed everywhere with piss and water all over my bare penis and pants. It was like Katrina minus all the poor people. How can I not have AIDS after something like that?